Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
