I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
