I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
