I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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