It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
