I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
