My underwear smells like fireworks.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
