Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
