I didn't shave. On purpose
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
