my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
