PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
