no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
