i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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