so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
