Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
