Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
