you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
