I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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