; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
