lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
