My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
