My first STD was from a foam party
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
