Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
