so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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