She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
