So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
