proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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