I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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