So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
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she smelled like a LAN party
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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