people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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