I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
