yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
