Whod you bang
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
