i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
