That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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