I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
