so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
