so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
there is glitter all over my balls
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
