Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't put those talents on a resume
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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