Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize