Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
