dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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