Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My life is pants optional.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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