"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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