I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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