We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize