Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
