Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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