just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
