i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
