How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
