There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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