Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Two words: nipple clamps
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