Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
