My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
