i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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