doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
