We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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