I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want to make a zoo with you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
