Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
