Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
