If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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