Someone shit on the floor
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We need to rekindle our bromance
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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