Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
